I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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