i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
