i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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