Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
