i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
