My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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