No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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