he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
