Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize