Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
