he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
