I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
