Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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