quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
