did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
