What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
