Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
