I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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