i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
