We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
