1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize