The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
