So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
