hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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