I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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