Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
