I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
