the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
