i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
