So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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