i already hear my dad disowning me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
