I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How's work?
Spinning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
