God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
