plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
