you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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