Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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