i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
