but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
