You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
