when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
