Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
