Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
