ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
