i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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