Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I don't think brook has ever known best
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
