I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
