a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
