he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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