U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Randomize
