I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
