i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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