Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
