two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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