yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
