this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
