Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
