Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize