found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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