glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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