You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
