you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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