I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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