Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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