someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think your dad took our porno
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
