Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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